For the first time in your life, "if" is your ally

Hastily assembled and classical men mean the same exact thing. And our words, even the breathless and slow motion ones, are bleeding the blood of influence. What would our words be otherwise? They are not ours to keep. Everyday is an exercise in humility. It's not for the sake of a step forward, but reacting to the idea of falling one back. Unless you really think about it...

And that's ok. Poise and poison seems to have been jettisoned. You can't move into the structure (the beast/the game)without overproducing and marketing and glossy photoshopped eyes. Cheeky smiles and ass kissing for a mortgage, if you will. Unless you really think about it...

She shielded her face with a left hand/swoop up. As her hand formed a vertical bridge with a wedding band as a bolt, she ignored my attempt at a receipt handover and told me, "You remind me of the beatniks, the ones who cut their donuts in half and buttered them in San Francisco. And I know you're an artist, I can tell. And I feel a vibe in you that is quite unlike the others"

There are more ways to eliminate the middle man than they think. I have marshmallow gums that harbor blood like Jews behind barbed wire and a heart surrounded with coronary damage, knees coated with itchy downfall. churn your stomach, churn yard. We may have been built to fail, but we can swing like prize fighters and live like no other. We can unleash what we have, give it to others, find meaning. We can paint silly pictures, even ones on ourselves that last forever. We can dock inside jokes at a haven and lie side by side on cotton and dream. We can dance through missteps. We can. We will. Watch.

It's easy. Life is easy. Just watch. Pushing up daisies is no option, I'd rather hand them over. And I keep picking scabs and ignoring said medical issues, debts, aspirations, responsibilities. But look at how lost and unhappy they all are. Lost in jobs and other people, in a bogey marsh. Shape up or ship out is a myth (like meant to be) and much of your jib isn't cut up to par.

But I'll do something great. It won't be important to anyone but me and a few, but I will ignore the flaws in the design and look back with an exhale and a hazy eye. This I promise. I may be headed up hill, but I haven't even entered the shadow of my heyday. I see beauty on the horizon. I see hands held. I see clarity. If only because I won't stop until the motion does, and I won't stop this car until the fucking wheels fall off. When all you care about is Discerning comeuppance, you've got a whirlwind, sugar.

The wooden spoon from a hoodsie cup, you've either got or lost it, found or forgot it. Like the leafy hipster in NYC that ride no brake bicycles just cause brakes aren't 'hip'. Poor sap.

I admit my flaws. I accept my problems as my fault, even if they truly are the problems brought on by a structure I have no business being in. This is no Mecca of my own. I am the Wizard of my Oz. Fame means watching where you put your fingers. You know this.

"I'm Stephen Malkmus, and I lengthen my shorts for no one"---Oh the art of avoiding hipster scorn.

This I trust. Whether hastily assembled or classical. You better starve to get hungry. I've got love and ideas, a pure need to get them out, and a little bit of crazy. And when the follow through comes in with dawn you'll all bask in the entire sordid, enthusiastically blasphemous and therapeutic size ups on linoleum.

Allow me to illustrate. I'm fucked up, and it's all unclear, but I'm thoroughly happy. Not just because of her, but because I'm not afraid. I don't feel what pressure feels like. Expectation and potential are lost in this understanding of what I know will happen. However unclear, I can't wait. And it will happen for you too, if you need it to. It's not a matter of want anymore. I'm not afraid. We will stay or move, be rich or poor, find ourselves within a new environment or grow in the shadows of our own, with sun light or without. It's all drenched in outside influence, but through commentary and comedy…through a clearly pov with a never ending open mind and a hunger for over saturation and overwhelming, …. We will win.

I promise. This isn't naïve, this is no looking back. This is a decision made to win at all cost, in what form? That, i'm not going to tell. The ink is still drying, and i hope it always will remain a tad wet off the press. The isn't re-invention for the sake of marketing a new album, it's recording because you need to vomit thought. Whether you get me or not, does not matter. There is no offense taken. I'm just asking that you discover who you are outside of influence and wear it on your sleeve. Take your lumps and run with them. You're beautiful. Get up for more. Self evaluate while understanding others. Grow. Punch. Get hit. Rebuild. Road trip it. Photograph it. Wear it. Fuck. Chill. Ask. Tell. Do not harbor, let go. Do not judge, understand. Do not blame, take blame and move past it. What's around the corner will shock you, but if your head aint up honey, it won't ever sink in. Even though it hurts. Move past it.

And here's the kicker: Charles Manson took over 150 hours of Scientology courses, rejected it as too crazy, and then went on to murder a whole bunch of people.